Self-Soothing for the Everyday Alchemist

Self-soothing is a form of self-healing. It is healing in its purest expression. It happens when we choose to meet ourselves with care instead of criticism and softness instead of force. It is the love our inner child desires.

We have heard the phrase, “We are our own worst critics.” Isn’t there such truth in that statement – and why is that the case? Just imagine turning the statement around, “We are our own best ally.” When we become our own greatest source of love and support, imagine how that would shift our inner world and as a result, our outer world?

If we yield such power to be able to harm ourselves by living through a fear-based reality, we also have the power to heal ourselves through love and compassion, hopefulness, and holding space and presence for ourselves.

Perhaps we have gotten used to living with self-criticism. We use it as protection and a means of coping with the challenges of life. The moment we come to the understanding and awareness that we have a choice, then we can start making changes in our inner talk and choose to work with self-healing and self-love instead. Nurturing and bringing this to the surface will naturally allow transformation to happen the world around us, as well as how others see us.

Fear of uncertainty or change

Examples: Shifting house | change of job| life transitions.

Strategies: Focus on what you can control. Gently let go of what you cannot. Ground yourself in the present with simple reminders or affirmations such as…

“This moment is safe. I am supported by the Universe.”

“This change has allowed exciting new experiences to find their way to me.”

Do a guided visualisation meditation. Imagine yourself in your new surroundings exactly as you’d like it – filled with everything and everyone that brings you comfort and joy.

Fear of rejection

Examples: Approaching someone you admire | offering an opinion | requesting assistance

Strategies: Hold your inner child by practicing self-compassion, not self-criticism. Give yourself gentle reassurances…

“I am worthy regardless of the outcome today.”

“I define and know my value. It is not defined by another's response.”

Journaling your feelings is a way to externalise and work through them. It helps you better recognise your thought patterns, thus allowing you to release anything that doesn't serve your highest good in that point of time. Feel proud of yourself for taking action regardless of the result. See your effort as an act of resilience and personal growth. Celebrate it, because each time you choose to do something out of your comfort zone, you're shifting stagnant energy out of your energy field and allowing space for more blessings and joy to surround you.

Fear of pain or discomfort

Examples: Doctor’s or dentist’s visit | confidently saying ‘no’ instead of the obligatory ‘yes’

Strategy: Breathe slowly and intentionally to calm your nervous system. Then, use a comforting phrase such as…

“Every hand that touches me is a healing hand.”

“I confidently set boundaries for my wellbeing. I choose an open-hearted ‘no’ instead of a closed-hearted ‘yes’.”

Saying these changes the experience. The same hands, the same procedure, the same people and situations, but the meaning shifts. This allows the tension to soften and loosen. The body listens. Afterwards, offer yourself a gentle, comforting touch by holding your arm or placing your hands on your chest, etc.

Self-soothing is about the relationship with your body, your emotions, your inner child that wants reassurance. Each kind word, each calming breath, each intentional thought becomes a small act of healing magic. In this way, we aren't waiting to be healed, we're participating in our healing. We are the alchemists.

Each gentle act towards ourselves is inner alchemy. It will transform internal fears into trust, tension into release, and suffering into understanding. We’re taking an active part in recreating our inner reality. We’re not ignoring those things and situations that make us fearful, we’re just meeting it with presence and acknowledging it. We’re reassuring our nervous system by holding ourselves and reminding ourselves that this is part of the physical reality of life and that it will pass. It’s how the nervous system learns safety again. It senses that we’re here for ourselves and we’ve got our own back, so to speak. It allows our inner child to trust and feel supported and loved.

The following are some examples of simple, everyday fears and ways to self-soothe when they come up:

Fear of making mistakes

Examples: Career change | new job location | new venture

Strategy: Pause and breathe slowly and intentionally in order to calm and slow down the overthinking mind. Say something like…

“I embrace curiosity over fear and look forward to the doors this opportunity opens.”

“Learning unfolds in its own time. I honour my pace.”

“I grow through genuine effort and excitement.”

Finish tasks with small steps that can easily be handled. When the mind concentrates on one thing at a time, it makes it achievable and heightens progress. The mindset should be that growth comes from consistency and excitement rather than immediate perfection.

Fear of social situations

Examples: Nervousness before a presentation/meeting | social settings

Strategy: Take a few slow, deep breaths to regulate the nervous system. Place your hands over your heart. Speak one of these to yourself backed with genuine compassion…

“Every person I encounter in this situation brings healing, love and calm to me.”

“With every breath, I exhale fear and inhale peace.”

“Every moment of discomfort is temporary. I am steady and supported.”

Visualise the situation unfolding with ease and in your favour. Picture your calm self being self-assured and capable during this event. Mentally rehearse this whenever worrisome thoughts about the future arise.